If you want to avoid divorce, you should pay attention.
When you first fell in love, you couldn't get enough of each other. You spent time, money, and effort to stay connected.
But now the humdrum of life has reared its boring, same ol', same ol' head.
It happens to the best of us.
Communication shifts from “What do you want out of life?” to “What’s for dinner?” ... “I want you so badly” becomes “Can you pick up Tommy from soccer practice?” And “I love you” becomes “I’ll be home late tonight.” Passion is replaced by errands. Intimacy is replaced by catching up on work on your laptop … in bed.
Before you know it, you are living separate lives.
According to K-Y lubricant, study after study shows that being connected to someone — trust, honesty, and the ability to reveal private thoughts and feelings — reduces stress and feelings of loneliness. And intimacy can even lessen the adverse effects of certain psychological and medical conditions.
Bottom line: Monotony not only equals divorce, but a lack of mental and physical intimacy is actually bad for your health!
And it’s the combination of mind and body that makes intimacy work for couples. It’s the power of seduction, of true mental connection, and of physical touch.
Rebuilding intimacy and connection won’t happen by itself. It takes effort … and there’s no better place to start than the bedroom.
Creating a connected and intimate bedtime routine can help you (both of you) get back to a place of connection, intimacy, and (dare I say it?) … FUN. (Umm ... yeah .... Love, sex, and intimacy are supposed to be fun, remember?)
Here are 6 changes you can make tonight in order to bring back that sexy, intimate, and wholly necessary connection you used to have together:
1. Go to bed at the same time.
When our bedtime schedules don't match, it's often a matter of choice—like when someone stays up late to watch TV or work, while the other disappears into the dark recesses of the house.
Building a sense of connection requires being in the same place at the same time (ermm… duh). So make the choice to head to the bed together, maybe even hold hands as you go. Do this every single night, without fail. After all,retiring to the bedroom together means you’ll hit the sheets together.
And while you curl up…
2. Put all your electronics away.
Not only do our devices' endless notifications disturb our REM sleep, they also offer an imitation of connection.
Bedtime is an opportunity for real connection with the person right next to you—you know, the person you fell madly in love with and whom you've chosen to be your partner? Put your dang phone down … seriously. Make your bedroom a sanctuary, free from the noise of life, and watch your connection improve almost immediately.
3. Turn your nightly catch-up conversations into pillow talk.
Dinner is done, the kids are asleep, and it’s time for the grown-ups to finally have a chance to catch up.
Instead of talking over dirty dishes or during commercial breaks, move your catch-up conversations to the bedroom. Discussing your day as you remove your clothes is cathartic, and allows you both to physically “remove” the day’s events and get back to what matters: each other.
4. Foreplay … before you enter the bedroom.
Part of what makes great sex is the lead-up to the actual act.
But if you limit foreplay to the moments just before, it can start to feel like the same run-of-the-mill actions and activities. Next thing you know, you're caught in a cycle of, “I’ll do this, you’ll do that, then we’ll sleep."
Instead, start the day with a note on the mirror or an alluring text in the middle of the day for no reason, or maybe take out the trash before being asked (hey, you never know!). The point is to make your inner desire show outwardly, so they know that they are desired.
Commit to showing your love this way every single day, so that your partner is reminded as you head off to bed together that you believe they are special.
After all, one of the biggest turn-ons is being wanted … badly.
5. Explore new ways to touch.
The best foreplay happens when you give just for the same of giving ... and not just to receive something in return.
A long, slow massage can be the perfect way truly relax your partner, but it is also so much more than that. A massage can also help build anticipation, connecting you through touch to help grow the intimacy and trust between you. Not just once a week, but every night, as part of your bedtime routine.
It takes just a little touch to create sparks, and you’ll need a massage crème to make it smooth and sensual. The best: K-Y Touch 2 in 1 Massage Creme and Pleasure Gel. It’s not your normal massage crème. It’s touch-activated, and creates a warming/tingling feeling—which is magnified the more you touch each other. It’s a win-win with its 2-in-1 functionality, since it can also be used as a lubricant, should things turn intimate after the massage.
6. Kiss goodnight. Every night.
Above all, close out your day with a combination of physical and emotional intimacy. Some people don’t like to sleep close together—maybe they like their space, or they get too hot—but a kiss goodnight is one of the simplest ways to connect at the end of the day.
Unfortunately, it’s also one of the activities that disappears the fastest when relationships shift from passionate to compassionate love.
So kiss them—really kiss them, and re-ignite your connection.
Deepening your connection with a fun, relaxing, and maybe even sexy bedtime routine can do wonders to revitalize a relationship.
And who knows? Maybe you’ll get less sleep … and like it.